CTnx 2015

See you there.

Where the hell is Noukah? //Var fan e Noukah?

Hey.

This must be a new record. I never meant to stop posting and blogging all together, I tried to soldier on for so long, but I reached the limit of how much I can take. I've barely touched my wacom tablets for months, and absolutely hated Photoshop, tutorials and everything else creative.

No, I haven't abandoned this blog. I know that some of you have reached out to me, asking where I've been and why I'm not posting anything. Well there's always a reason for that, and apparently I'm not a drawing machine.

Long story short, I had quite a few bumps on the road these past two years. I don' recognize myself when I say it out loud, but I think I got depressed? I went from super excited to a state where I just wanted to.. Disappear. Some days I was barely able to get to work, I called in sick and slept instead. And then new shitty things kept happening, it was extremely draining. It got really scary at some points. I had zero control over my feelings, all I could see was complete darkness. You know that feeling when you just can't grasp why you feel so empty. You just wanna lie down on the floor and scream your lungs out, wishing those feelings could go away. I admit it, I was actually a bit judgmental when it came to suicidal tendencies, but suddenly I could relate to other people having them. I could actually see why they would make such decisions... Yeah it also makes me think about Robin Williams aka Genie. It's so sad that he chose to break free, and it makes me wonder if he felt the way I did, only he may have been like that for a much longer time :(

You don't really want to feel this way, you do want to be "normal". But slowly you'll start to believe that you've got no other choice. And you try to hide those feelings, because it something "ugly". I looked for help in time, it never got this bad for me. I think it's helping actually.

To prevent a wall of text I guess I can put it this way: Lots of things has happened lately that affected me and my life. It's been very hard on me, and it sent me into this bad effing spiral. The cherry on top was that I recently lost my cat Java to HCM, only about a month ago. It tore me apart, I can't believe that he's not here anymore. So yeah I guess I'm getting hardened. He and Rosso actually helped me a lot through my darkest times, they forced me to maintain some sort of routine and not giving up completely.

I don't want to give any promises, I don't know if or when I'll start posting more regularly again. I've been feeling better lately, I'm much happier despite the loss of Java and some other stuff going on. I'm more joyful but still not very inspired to create something new. Even though I had urger to draw, my mind goes blank and I get paralyzed when I actually try to. Been worried for a long time, that maybe I just don't like drawing anymore..? I almost considered quitting all together. I guess I need more time to heal myself before I'm ready to be creative and excited over art again.

It feels like I should post more about this later on. I can imagine that it's a bit confusing for the ones who don't know me in person.

But I'm alive and I'm doing much better! I still need time though, like I mentioned before. Need to focus only on myself for a while.

Fuck you, setbacks. I won't let you break me.

And if you feel like this right now, THEN KEEP GOING and talk to someone. There's help to get and it can get better!

- Andrea





SVENSKA

3 reasons to use Patreon

Made my first donation on Patreon(a new crowdfunding thingie similar to Kickstarter) I decided to support Peleng, cause I'm a huge fan of his art. I'm thinking about donating to 2-3 more people there. It feels fair for me. I have a good feeling about this, as I'm believing that this could help artists if it's done wisely. 1 dollar per month. In one year, that's a descent sushi here in Sweden.

3 things that I think are benefitial with Patreon:

1. Less need for hunting freelance gigs. 
You'll be less dependent on the clients, and you get a chance to work on your pet projects with support from fans and followers.

2. Higher standard for artists.
It's a chance to set a higher standard in the industry and push up the prices for artists. I think that most artists are taken advantage of nowadays and it's simply not fair.

3.  You own your brand
Artists have a chance to get more time and to build their own brand instead of working for others all the time. You keep the rights of your own work and products.

I have a Patreon too, you can find it HERE.  
I'm not offering any perks right now,(you can help feeding my cats if you want to, hehe) but I'm planning to make something exclusive for the followers there. I appreciate any kind of support I can get :)

And of course, I'll keep blogging and posting online as usual, but my ultimate dream would be to replace all the freelance gigs with personal projects that's really valuable to others as well. It would be so awesome to become more independent and to truly develop your own voice.

What are your thoughts? Can Patreon become the future for artists?

////

SVENSKA

Freelance evening & the attack in France

Hello-lo!

Sitting here with my pokémon behind me while I'm working. Wait, what? Working? I know, I'm chocked too. Seriously omg. I'm working on that book cover again, that I probaby talked about before(well, not right this moment... I took a short break to smash some clementines in).  But hey, I'm having fun so no complaining here!

On  a more serious note though...

Something that's less fun is what just happened i France. Seriously, WFT world. Been thinking about it during the day. I dunno what to say right now, so I'm gonna need to melt it for a while...

What are your thoughts?

////

SVENSKA

How I became a concept artist - Part 3

I found about this 3D education at Nackademin(Haha no, I'm not sponsored). One of the perks was that you had to do an internship in order to get your degree. In other words, they actually form you as a professional right away. Not like many other universities here, that rather just teach you to become a good reader/student -.- They actually give you opportunities to network and gain some working experience, which is a huge benefit.

I got waaay too overconfident in the beginning though...

I wanted to do everything. Unfortunately my art got a bit neglected, and I've had a major art block anyway. So it still helped me to get more creative, and I started to feel inspired to create again now that was exploring new media. I also got to meet  lots of likeminded poeple(classmates, teachers, professionals who held seminars for us, etc), and suddenly you could actually see a clearer way to get your foot into the industry.

But like I mentioned, my art got a bit left behind. Or well, to be frank - I got cocky and lazy. I took 2D for granted and and felt that I wanted to do something else.. Like being an animator instead! That felt so much cooler....

Or was it?

To be continued

Part 1

Part 2

//////

SVENSKA

Old school and Welsh ponies // Old school och Welshponnys

Ha. I've drawn a horse today. I'm so old school! And rusty?! Oh dear.

Got the urge while I was scrolling my insta-feed, so I just had to find my old drawing gear and get it out of my system. Oh the coziness. I can't believe that I actually did this back in the days. I only worked in traditional media like graphite, oils, watercolours, acrylics you name it. I've almost forgot how awesome it is, to only rely on pen and paper.
 
Borrowed a pic from the skilled Anna Attlid. Must be the damn sweetest litttle welsh pony ever. I absolutely ADORE grey welsh ponies, I could look at them for hours. Cutiepies.

Here's how I started le sketch:

It's a lot easier to start sketching with really broad and loose strokes. Earlier, I always tended to start with drawing way too fine lines, which made it a lot harder for me. I gues Photoshop has tought me one thing and another after all ;) I can use the same approach.

Hope I can draw some more tomorrow. 

So how was your day?

///

SVENSKA 

I'm getting a makeover // Jag ska få en makeover

Why hello there!

How was your New Year's Eve? Any plans or resolutions for 2015? I didn't make any, except cutting down on all the social networking. Less 24/7 availability and more carpe diem in my life this year. I won't disappear though so don't worry ;)

This design is still off-putting though. Seriously I can't take it anymore. I'm never satisified and I seriously suck at knowing what's working and not. So I decided to do something about it once and for all. It may be a bit messy for a little while, but bear with me. Hopefully it will be better than before this time. Ghah. No seriously though, I think that you're gonna like it too :)

In the meantime, here are some stepsies of that horsie. Photoshop as usual. Wacom tablet as usual :)

- Andrea


////

SVENSKA :)

The horse says goodbye // Hästen säger hej då

Aight, signing off for the year. 2014, the year of the horse, eh?


Got some stuff to do now, like getting my new camera lens that I bought to give my photos a boost. Also need to prepare myself for New Years Eve :)

I'm thinking about making some posts about my goals for 2015 later on, so stay tuned.

Take care in the meantime!

Happy New Year! :)

- Andrea


///

Svensk översättning :)

Good night internetz

Wohoo heyy all!

Signing off for today, it's late. My sleeping routines are way out of balance nowadays, since the holidays and stuff. Been trying to get some work done today though. Still being a bit slow but I guess I'm kinda excused, since it's still "Xmas break" for moi.

Managed to focus a bit more today too, baby steps... Also, thanks a lot for the comments on my previous post :) Nice tips, I'll have a closer look at everything.

But for now, good night amigos!

Btw, any plans for New Year's Eve?

- Andrea

/////

Svensk översättning :)

Night thoughts // Natt-tankar

Sitting here thinking. It's currently nigh time as I'm writing this.

Daydreaming about summer again hahaha. Ahh, gotta make the best out of it again, I'm def a summer-person if I'd have to choose. Even though winter is kinda cozy too, I still miss summer and the blackbirds and all the green colours and... :c

I'm also thinking about other stuff...

Every year that's been. I'm actually never satisfied with what I accomplish. Don't get me wrong, of course I'm satisfied in terms of accomplishing many things. Proud even! But I always feel that I've been too lazy. Or distracted... Yeah distracted.  I consume too much and produce less. Simply put, too much internet when I'm supposed to do other stuff. I'm actually having a terribly hard time to focus on one task nowadays, and it's really hard to get started once I sit down to draw.

I'm a junkie when it comes to social media. A real slave to it. DAMN.

I think I need to cut some of that for real. Turn off that damn modem and have scheduled online-time. Flush my phone down the toiled or something. I mean, I'm constantly available right now. It's starting to show.

The question is how much I should cut back. How many hours per week.

What are your thoughts?

Do you feel the same way?

/////

Svenska :)